Short Story

In a little over two hours and 2 minutes I had managed to turn my kitchen into a huge mess. Mixing bowls, pots, and pan were stacked everywhere, spilling their leftover contents onto the counter, the sink, the stove, or the floor. I was attempting a new recipe, and from the start it had not gone well.

The recipe, titled “The Most Delicious Thing You Will Ever Eat” was one that I had printed off the Internet. It had received five stars, the most a recipe could get, from the users of a cooking website.

At first, I had been drawn to the recipe because of the name, but after reading it further I became fascinated with the ingredients that it called for. To make this delicious dish I would need everything from asparagus to various candy bars to smoked salmon to ugly fruit. Also listed, under a large-type heading, was “The most Important ingredient: one very spicy jalapeno.” My love of jalapenos sealed the deal, I had to make this recipe.

After collecting all the ingredients I began to follow the recipe.

“Step one, begin this recipe at 3:27 pm, exactly”

I looked at the clock and realized that I would have to wait one hour and two minutes to start cooking. So, I read a couple of magazines, and at 3:27 pm, I began again.

“Step one, begin this recipe at 3:27 pm, exactly”

“Step two, empty two pounds of russet potatoes into a four gallon iron stock pot. Add one pint of pistachio ice cream, stir for 20 minutes…”

Soon I was working up a sweat and by step twenty-two I could have used a shower and a nap. But the recipe was not coming together as planned. Rather than a scrumptious aroma, the pot’s contents smelled like hot garbage. Instead of a pleasant color, the dish appeared burnt and tar like.  In a last ditch effort I melted one another candy bar in to the mixture and left the room in order to maintain my composure.